When women reach out, curious to find out about one of my women’s programs, they often share that they want a turned-on life. A life when they are feeling embodied, powerful, and pleasure-filled while having complete control over life. Life is not just happening to us; rather, we are the ones creating our reality, success, and openness to learning how we uniquely experience pleasure in our daily adventures.
Most women have been conditioned and taught not to trust their bodies and that being turned on is a dangerous place. When I speak with women about pleasure, it is not uncommon for these women to share stories about being afraid of pleasure, of feeling turned on because their role as a woman is to please their partner, to guarantee his pleasure, and if he is not pleased or unsatisfied, it is her fault, not his.
When a woman speaks about her desire for a turned-on life, she is not talking about having orgasms all day long (which would be amazing and something I fully support). She speaks about the desire to feel good in her body rather than shut down, uncomfortable and afraid, feeling free to be herself over trying to be who others want her to be, and being present for her own pleasure, not just a vessel for another’s pleasure.
Owning the Turned-on Life
The truth is that having a turned-on life demands that we take ownership of ourselves—body, heart, mind, and soul—while letting go of the idea that life randomly happens, that our roles in a patriarchal perspective are our only roles, and that our pleasure is unimportant.
It means trusting our instincts and intuition. It takes the ability to count and listen to yourself while letting go of stories that often turn us off and distrust our pleasure.
Living a turned-on life takes slowing down and listening to the wisdom of the body. It requires that you begin seeing your life as an adventure where all your fears, weaknesses, judgments, and traumas are parts of healing.
And this healing journey ultimately leads to learning about what turns you on, ultimately inspiring your curiosity—the most essential ingredient of a turned-on life.
Being able to feel your feelings, having faith in yourself, reminding yourself of your courage, and letting go of pleasing others are all requirements for a turned-on life. As is a commitment to the awareness and willingness to go where you haven’t been before.
Creating a Turned-on Life
A turned-on life is a practice of moving through life and feeling alive and vibrant. It is the ability to feel deep joy and bliss without excluding feelings of sadness or anger. Because feeling turned on is not about the spiritual bypass and becoming Pollyanna. It does mean being in touch with all feelings, states of being, and external happenings, knowing that all of it can help us evolve into a more authentic self.
Breathe. The average respiratory rate for an adult female at rest is 12 to 18 breaths per minute. That’s an average of 26,000 breaths depending on activity and health. Most breaths happen without us noticing it happening. Being mindful of our breath not only helps us slow down but also helps us become aware that we are alive, the parts of the body that need our attention. There are also dozens of oxygen receptors in the back of the nasal cavity. The more oxygen, the more our body relaxes. The more our body relaxes, the more we open up to pleasure.
Exercise. Ever notice how great you feel after exercising? According to various brain studies, exercise can work as an antidepressant and an antidepressant. Exercise turns off the brain’s response to physical and emotional stress, leaving people with an exhausted yet exhilarated feeling. Exercise can also activate certain parts of the brain that release hormones, including dopamine, which creates a sense of relaxation and bliss.
Dance. In 2008, a Columbia University neuroscientist found that dance is a “pleasure double play.” Music stimulates the brain’s reward centers, while dance activates the body’s sensory and motor circuits. Other studies show that dance helps reduce stress, increases levels of the feel-good hormone serotonin, and helps develop new neural connections, especially in regions involved in executive function, long-term memory, and spatial recognition. Dance is innate in our bodies. Young babies naturally move and dance to music. It can help us trust our body, feel grounded, and even roll us back to a time before all the stories of pleasure and turn were embedded in the brain.
Self-pleasure. A regular self-pleasure practice helps to cultivate and balance sexual energy. It is about saying yes to yourself and becoming pleasure-ruled, confident, healthy, and, above all, helping you learn about what physically feels good. Self-pleasure is also not only for our genitalia. Touching your whole body—hair, face, ears, shoulders, and even feet—can help you feel more embodied and connected to yourself.
And while a turned-on life can certainly reignite sexual pleasure, it is, more importantly, a practice to re-embody yourself, discover what feels good, put yourself first, and, above all, fall deeply in love with yourself.
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