While modern religions have defined sacred and spiritual as being separate from the body, from nature, and certainly from sex, the ancient the roots of our language and history imply something quite different.
Our collective history suggests that at one time there was a sacred nature to sex.
Given the shifts in our current culture and news headlines, now is the time to reacquaint ourselves with this ancient wisdom.
Sacred is defined as that which is made or declared holy, revered, blessed, holy.
Sacred is also understood differently by varying cultures.
One example of this is how in many indigenous cultures, the concept of sacred is one of relationship—based on reciprocity and connection—rather than dogma or popular opinion.
In these native cultures, humans, animals, plants, including Mother Earth herself, are considered sacred because everything and everyone are seen as an essential part of the Whole of creation. Therefore, every living creature is recognized as inherently sacred because each is part of the interconnected web of ecology and energy that births, sustains and carries life.
Sacred Sexuality is an essential part of many spiritual traditions and cultures.
Sacred sexuality implies an awareness that sex is the inception of life, of all that is, a powerful connection to Divine energy.
It is no coincidence then that the word sacrum is also the anatomical term for the triangular bone at the base of the spine—the very place that Tantric traditions say is the seat of the sleeping kundalini or Shakti energy.
When aroused through practice (e.g. yoga, dancing, hip circles, hip thrusts), the kundalini rises up the spine to awaken the spiritual centers in the brain—the place where many of our habitual mindless chatter also resides. And when empty, the place where we connect to Source.
And, here is where it is important to remember that without the sexual act, most of us would not be here.
Sacred Sexuality therefore acknowledges that our life force and our sexual energy originate from the same source. Once does not exist without the other, at least not for very long.
Sex is sacred because of its role in bonding, connection, and staying present.
Mutually satisfying sexual exchanges naturally intensify bonding between people. Of course, sex can take place without bonding.
But, if we are not careful and habitually have sex without bonding, without connection, this can eventually lead to heart closure or not seeing our partner as an equal in the relationship with equally important needs and desires.
Sex opens the heart only if we bring the energy up and we access our heart space.
The Tantric attitudes of slowing down, awakening all of the senses, tuning into subtle energy, letting go of judgment and blame, expressing gratitude for the gift of life, and savoring the present moment are wonderfully supportive tools for intimate relating.
When we take the time to remind ourselves of what we are really trying to create with our lovers, we become more conscious of the need to connect and create greater intimacy of the heart space.
We attune and notice the nuances of our partner and co-create with them a safe space to talk about what we want and, as equally important, what we do not want.
Sex then becomes more than the chase of the orgasm or performance.
Sex becomes the vehicle with which all partners use their channels for pleasure to connect with themselves and their partner.
This is how sex becomes sacred again because it expands our state of consciousness—we are fully present to the here and now in our own body and in that of our partner.
Sex is sacred because of its role in accessing peak experiences of love, oneness, and healing.
Humans have an innate need for peak experiences of bliss, merging, and ecstasy.
We also have a deep longing for union with the Divine.
When we access expanded states of consciousness through sex, we validate our intuitive sense that sex can be worship and that worship can be erotic.
There’s a reason why in many moments of pleasure and orgasm, the words that are moaned most often is “oh my God!”
Sensuality is the embodied alignment of body-heart-mind-spirit.
Sacred Sensuality integrates our personality, our soul, and our human nature. How we relate to our world, ourselves, and others is done through the innate sensual body.
The paths of Erotic Spirituality teaches us to embrace and honor the body as a temple of Spirit, rather than trying to deny our natural sexual impulses.
And when we begin to recognize our own body as a temple for the Divine, we also begin to see our partners through the same loving lens.
Because when we open our hearts to our own divine, sacred nature, we can then do the same for others.
How to Create More Heart Space in Your Sex Life
- Leave all judgments at the door… actually leave them at the curb. There’s no room for any of it in the heart space. When we focus on lack or what we are not getting, we are literally closing the heart space which makes it difficult to create and maintain connection.
- B-R-E-A-T-H-E. Sounds silly, but, yes, breathe! It’s not about deep breaths to your pelvic floor (although that may help too, more on this in another blog). Breathing is essential for us to relax, for the body to remain open and present. The more we hold the breath, the more the body tightens, the more the brain focuses on silly chatter leaving the heart to eventually close. Breathe. Focus on filling your belly and emptying. See how it relaxes you and welcomes more softness to the front side of the torso.
- Our NO is more important than our YES. The greatest lesson in any Tantra practice is knowing your “NO’s” because when you know them and express them, your “YES” is more heartfelt and genuine. When we agree to something out of default, our body gets tense, and so does our heart. And, on the flip side….
- Listen… especially to your partner’s “NO’s.” Do not question, invalidate, minimize, or contradict any NO’s. When you do, you are not present, you are not in your heart, and above all, you are no longer safe to your partner which always results in heart closure.
- Slow down. Look at each other. There’s a reason why most Tantric practices begin with Eye Gazing (aka Soul Gazing). It gives us a chance to really see our lovers, feel their energy, and notice what feels good or not.
And, remember… this is a practice. not an event.
Most of did not get a chance to learn about sexuality in a sacred, holistic way. So practice, be curious… and lead with the heart.